I mentioned in Part One that you have to be careful when you confront the eating disorder. Even though "ED" is in control and the one doing the talking, your daughter is still inside. She is very vulnerable to how you deal with ED's behavior.
One way to confront ED is in an angry tone. You might say, "Well, look who's joined us for dinner tonight!" We're going to have to work hard to help you eat."
You can even say in a light-hearted manner, "I guess ED has joined us for dinner tonight. I'm up for the challenge, are you?" This statement brings some levity into the situation and empowers both you and your daughter because you have implied you are in this together.
It is very important your daughter feels your support and acceptance in spite of any behavior ED is exhibiting. You don't like ED's behavior but you love your daughter.
It is not uncommon then that you are already stressed when your daughter comes to the table.
If you are stressed before the meal even begins you might be more defensive. A look on her face, body language, tone of voice, even what she is wearing.
Your goal is to come to the meal a blank page. Use your best poker face and whatever happens just remember you can deal with your own emotions later. Right now the only task is for her to eat whatever is in front of her.